Dead Man John Reviews: Zelda Hyrule Warriors - H4G
110Dear friends,
I regret to inform you of my untimely passing. Having met my end by pursuing Lu Bu in such a brazen manner certainly brought a great deal of honor to my house. I only hope that he destroyed my person in a manner befitting my brazen disregard for his prowess.
I hereby request of the Hard4Games staff, to consist of Tony, Richard, The Reverend Bobby Dale Hathaway Jr., and Dan, that they review the video game "Hyrule Warriors". I was a great fan of its close kin the "Dynasty Warriors", a Chinese genocide simulator of some success and notoriety. The original games were based on the Chinese epic "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms", which is unfortunately not the enormous orgy that the title suggests.
To set a new "Warriors" game outside of the previous canon is not new and has been done many times before. There have been two Gundam iterations and even a Japanese spin-off series. However this is a first for Nintendo. I highly approve of this violent move. Many a day I have spent thinking about driving a sword through those Goron bastards. A man who consumes rocks and wears no coverings on his nipples is the lowest form of sexual deviant deserving the most painful end.
I have but two regrets I leave behind to this mortal plane. The first of these regrets is that I was unable to review Charles Barkley Shut up and Jam 2. The second being that I could not enjoy Hyrule Warriors to such extent as to enjoy the wondrous release of sexual satisfaction. Hyrule Warriors would have doubtless been a fantastic orgy of Goron slaying. Words on this earth cannot describe the hatred I harbor for these rubanesque degenerates.
To my parents I leave my clothing, which will be of great hassle and little use to them. To the Hard4Games staff I leave my debt. To my wife I leave the entirety of my erotic stamp collection. I request my ashes be spread in the most befitting of manners, having it poured into a storm drain of your convenience.
May the Wu-Tang be with you always,
John R. Bennett
-------
We produce the in-depth reviews on the old-school games you love.
H4G Game Reviews is a YouTube channel featuring high quality and unique gaming videos! We cover rare and retro games, game collecting, as well as modern gaming topics & reviews! Come game with us!
HARD4GAMES is your home for Zelda Beta Questin' / Hacking and N64 Disk Drive Videos!
New videos every week!
https://www.patreon.com/h4g
http://www.facebook.com/Hard4GamesEntertainment
http://www.twitter.com/hard4games
Check out our Animator/Illustrator's Site:
http://www.annavisintainer.com/